It was late on a Friday night, well after the droves of white collar workers returned to their families for the weekend and amidst the fading echoes of nocturnal revelries, when my gaze fell upon a solitary figure at the train station. His countenance bore a paradoxical mixture of agony and relief as his bright blue eyes stared off into oblivion. I found myself stealing more glances than I should have as I passed by, until curiosity compelled me to double back and approach him.

“Excuse me sir.”

“Do you have any food?” he asked.

“No sir, I was just looking for someone to talk to.”

“Talk? No one talks to me anymore. You know, I’m 58 years old and no one bothers to ask me anything. My kids don’t even talk to me. I don't even know if I have grandkids man.”

“Well I’d like to talk to you. I think you’re bound to learn something no matter who you talk to.”

“Sit down then,” he motioned.

Brushing off the litter from the half of the bench he wasn’t occupying, I commented, “as a kid myself, I'd like to say that I hope you and your kids can work things out. We’re young and stupid and make mistakes, but we’re trying our best to be better, as I’m sure you are. I hope you can forgive us, even if it's our fault.”

He closed his eyes and nodded slightly in assent. Eyes still closed, he scrunched his eyebrows and began mouthing some words, before reciting: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

“You’re Christian,” I observed.

“Always was, always will be.” he responded with pride in his voice.

I’m not religious, but I've always regarded religions with curiosity. I never understood how some of the world’s greatest thinkers, writers, and even scientists could submit themselves to a higher power with no empirical evidence. But when you put the beliefs of the likes of Newton and Einstein against my own, it seems more likely that I am the one missing something. We sat in silence for a few seconds as I thought of a line of questioning. I crossed my legs, leaned forward, and asked “Why does God allow so much suffering in the world?”

His gaze, which had been lightly upon me, hardened to revert to the way it was before I approached him. “He doesn’t… He doesn’t.” I kept silent, giving him the chance to elaborate. “Have you ever heard of lucid dreaming?” he asked.

“Yeah, are you able to do that?”

“I’m an extended lucid dreamer,” he responded. “That means I can control the duration as well as the contents of my dreams. It started last year when I woke up in the middle of the night. You know how you slowly regain consciousness when you wake up? How first a single thought appears, then another, until there’s a whole cluster of them floating around inside your head again? Well, first thing I thought of after I woke up was my wife sleeping next to me. Then I thought of my two kids in the other room - my twenty-five year old girl with a job and my boy of twenty-two at the university. Then, I thought about going to work the next day. Man, I fucking hated my job. I thought about how many more years of this shit I’d have to do before I could retire.

So I laid back down on my bed and let my imagination run wild. I dreamed of being the richest man in the world. I had this mansion with servants to do everything for me. I bought cars and watches and booze for myself. I bought bags and perfume and expensive shit for my wife. And I gave my kids all the things I could never afford like music lessons and hockey equipment. You know I was there as a kid the last time the Leafs won the cup? I used to beg my mom to play hockey and she would always say ‘Donny we just don’t have the money for that.’ And I had to fucking tell my kids the same thing, but not in my dream. I lived a whole day in that dream and went to bed in that dream. And the most incredible thing happened - when I woke up, I was still inside that same dream! I stayed in there a few more days before I got worried about how much time had passed in the real world. But when I woke myself up for real, barely any time had passed at all. That was my first extended lucid dream.

The next night I dreamed of being a celebrity with millions of fans around the world, attending exclusive events and meeting other famous people. The night after that, I dreamed of backpacking across the world on foot—you know it took me 4 years just to cross Africa! And in my dreams, I would always eat the most delicious food and sleep with the most beautiful women. All I had to do was get through a day of real life before I could do it all again. But soon that became too hard for me. I got angry when things didn’t go my way like they do in my dreams. Really angry. A few weeks later my kids moved out. My wife and I started fighting. She started throwing things at me. Plates, cups, even knives, you know? I said to her ‘you stop that right now or you’re gonna end up in the hospital!’ but she didn’t wanna listen. So I put her in the hospital alright, and she never came out.”

I never know what to do in these situations—Am I supposed to comfort him? Provide a profound new perspective on his situation? All I managed was to nod my head and give him a sincere expression urging him to continue.

“I fucking lost my family just like that. I really did have it all and now what am I supposed to do? So I brought my family back the only way I knew how. I dreamed of happier times, like when it was just the four of us at the dinner table eating and talking and playing board games. Those are the moments you should chase, you know? Fuck the wealth and the status. It’s about being together and in the moment. Doesn’t matter how rich or poor you are. Anyways, at night I would escape the pain by dreaming, but during the day it was just too much. So I turned to drugs… I had no other choice, you know? I left my job and started selling everything I had to chase them. That’s how I lost the house a few months ago, couldn’t afford my mortgage no more.”

“Did you keep dreaming?”

“Oh yeah. For longer and longer. Once I stayed in a dream for a hundred years before waking up. But I only did that once. The longer I stayed in there, the emptier I felt. It’s the limited time you have that gives meaning to your life, Matt. Everyone here in the train station runs around wishing they had more time without even knowing what that even means.”

“I have two more questions Donny, if you don’t mind.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you believe in destiny?”

“Well, do you think you can control everything?”

“Definitely not,” I responded.

“Then anything you can’t control is destiny, which is pretty much everything. And you should thank God for that. You might think you're free inside a dream, but in there you’re only as free as your imagination. God makes us freer. Not knowing what’s gonna happen tomorrow makes us freer. Free to focus on what actually matters. What do you think the meaning of all this is? To collect as many things as you can and whoever dies with the biggest pile wins?”

“No.”

“Exactly. We’re here to use our free will to confront the battles that God gives us. That’s our destiny. God doesn't allow suffering, He gives us meaning. And your second question?”

By now I had forgotten my second question. Not wanting to waste an opportunity though, I blurted out, “How are you doing these days?”

“These days? The best part of my day is waking up.”

And now, the photo gallery. These are from my 2-week visit to China in March-April.

"You know, when a person is very, very sad, they like sunsets" - The Little Prince

Spent a day with my grandparents who took me back to visit my childhood home. I had no idea I was raised in such an affluent neighbourhood (compared to the other neighbourhoods I visited). Realizing my parents gave all this up to start afresh in Canada so that I could have a better life is incredibly motivating.

It's crazy how fast the Shanghai skyline changes. Last time I was here, the tallest building on the right (Shanghai Tower) fully did not exist.

Climbed up a tea farm in Hangzhou. How these old farmer ladies are able to do this every day is beyond me.