I read this book while going through a relatively stressful period of time in my senior year of high school. Day after day, I was seemingly faced with an endless barrage of school work, university applications, and extra-curricular responsibilities. Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck didn’t make any of my problems go away, but it did help me get rid of toxic mindsets and wake up each morning optimistic about the day ahead.
The most interesting topic in this book is beliefs. According to Manson, we are the architects of our own beliefs, and thus they are often irrational. The brain is imperfect—it forgets, misinterprets, and fabricates its own details. But it also subconsciously pieces together memories to form beliefs. Once developed, we then interpret experiences that align with these beliefs as proof of our righteousness and get angry at everything else. This hypothesis is perfect for explaining the mindset of the archetypical villain, since “evil people never believe that they are evil; rather, they believe that everyone else is evil.” The key is to take control of your emotions by recognizing your beliefs through introspection, figuring out where they came from, and deciding whether to change them.
This book has also made me more comfortable with death. Manson says that life will be full of suffering no matter what you do, but because of societal conventions, many people are not fighting the battles they truly want to be fighting. Each morning, I try to be grateful for the fact that I woke up and didn’t die in my sleep, recognize how beautiful life is, ponder the possibility that today would be my last day and consider whether I am happy with how I plan to spend it given this fact. Finding non-idiomatic hills to die on is a continuous process for me, and it also relates to recognizing and restructuring beliefs. Acknowledging that basically all of my beliefs are stupid and irrational to some extent and I just don’t realize it helps to keep me humble and focus on personal growth.
This is the only self help-book I ever see myself recommending to others, and I would be surprised and delighted if I ever come across a book that tops this one.
Until we change how we view ourselves, what we believe we are and are not, we cannot overcome our avoidance and anxiety. We cannot change. In this way, ‘knowing yourself’ or ‘finding yourself’ can be dangerous. It can cement you into a strict role and saddle you with unnecessary expectations. It can close you off to inner potential and outer opportunities. I say don’t find yourself. I say never know who you are. Because that’s what keeps you striving and discovering. And it forces you to remain humble in your judgments and accepting of the differences in others.